Question: Which major in college should parents suggest, a major that their child wants to study or a major related to a high-paying job?
My answer:
This question raises compelling debate. I firmly believe that parents should suggest a major that their child wants to study. I feel this way for three reasons which I will examine this essay.
Firstly, the world recently has been changed very fast with the advancement of technology like artifical intelligence. The current high-paying job could be replaced with just autonumous process. For instance, the salary of accountant have been lowered as their works could be done with certain technology or online service platform easier and faster than before. So if child just choose their major as it seemingly guarantees high-paying, they could be easily replaced in the future and lose their own way in career.
Secondly, financial success could happen in the all range of sutdy. The most important thing is to be expert and focus on certain area. Of course, it requires numerous efforts and dedications. But if someone choose their major just because of amount of payment on average, it little motivates people to keep their working hard. To do so, they should enjoy doing it by themselves.
Lastly, lifespan has been lengthen more and more with the advancement of medical technology. the age of retirement has also been prolonged. In this environment, people are getting more interested in their happiness with balance between their work and free-time rather than just earning more money. In this trend, it seems more reasonable for child to choose their major which they want to study right now. Of course, It sometimes could be changed but their choose according to their interest and aptitude will be always meaningful in terms of pursuiting their happiness in life.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that parents should suggest a major that their child wants to study.
Feedback:
TOEFL independent writing is graded on a 5-point scale as follows:
Task fulfillment and organization
Grammar usage
Vocabulary usage
Coherence and cohesion
Here's my evaluation:
Task fulfillment and organization (4.5/5): You have clearly stated your position and have organized your essay well. Each paragraph focuses on one reason, which is good. The introduction is engaging and the conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.
Grammar usage (4/5): There are a few grammar errors, such as incorrect verb forms ("their choose" should be "their choice"), missing articles ("the advancement of medical technology" should be "the advancement of medical technologies"), and improper use of prepositions ("in terms of pursuiting their happiness in life" should be "in terms of pursuing happiness in their lives").
Vocabulary usage (4.5/5): Your vocabulary is diverse and most words are used appropriately. However, there are a few minor mistakes ("artifical" should be "artificial" and "sutdy" should be "study").
Coherence and cohesion (4.5/5): Your arguments are logically structured and the progression from one point to the next is smooth. Your transitions between sentences are varied and sophisticated.
Total: 17.5/20
Suggestions for improvement:
Proofread your essay to check for and correct grammar errors.
Pay attention to the correct use of articles and prepositions.
Try to use more varied and sophisticated transitions between sentences to improve the flow of your essay.
Certainly, here's a revised version of your essay:
"The question at hand provokes a fascinating discussion. I steadfastly maintain that parents should recommend their child study a major that aligns with the child's interests. My viewpoint is substantiated by three main reasons that I will elaborate upon in this essay.
Firstly, with the rapid technological advancements such as artificial intelligence, the landscape of the job market is constantly changing. Occupations currently commanding high pay could become obsolete, replaced by automated processes. For instance, accounting, once a well-paying job, has seen a decrease in remuneration as many of its functions can now be performed more efficiently by technology or online service platforms. Therefore, choosing a major solely based on its potential for high earnings could result in a precarious career path, susceptible to technological advancements.
Secondly, financial success can be achieved in various fields of study. The crucial factor is to specialize in a certain area, which necessitates a significant level of effort and dedication. Choosing a major purely based on average income might not inspire the necessary motivation for prolonged and intense study. To remain committed and focused, one should find joy and personal fulfillment in the chosen subject.
Lastly, with advancements in medical technologies extending human lifespan and consequently retirement age, people are increasingly prioritizing work-life balance over merely amassing wealth. In this context, it seems sensible for children to select majors that align with their current interests and aptitudes. Although interests may evolve over time, choosing a study path based on genuine interest will always contribute to the pursuit of personal happiness.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that parents should encourage their children to choose a college major that sparks their interest."