Gray: In this criteria, Would you assess my writing answer below?
Question: Celebrities such as musicians, athletes, and actors express their political opinions. Some people appreciate their opinions. Other people think that they are not useful. Which view do you agree with?
My Answer: Many people wonder whether celebrities such as musicians, athletes, and actors express their political opinions. I bellieve that expressing their opinions about politics is not a good idea. I feel this way for two essential reasons which I will examine in this essay.
First of all, the most important reason for my opinion is that their activities or performances regarding their original jobs could be distorted due to their stance for politics. In general, many people are willing to support who has same thought. Certainly, If it is related to politics, this tendency is very strong. For example, If a composer disclose his stance in politics, His ability to write songs could be underestimated or overestimated from who has the same political line with him or not. This is best exemplified by my personal experience. Recently, one of the K-pop singers had uploaded the video which show his polticial thought. And then he was banned from some TV broadcasting channels, even though his singing ability had been so admitted.
Second, Expressing the opinion about politics could impair diversity in the fan community. Certainly, Many fans can leave their fan community of celebrity who express his opinion about politics. This is because political opinion is very sensitive topic and many people don't want to discuss or debate it. And then only people who have same thought could remain. That means it could be a negative impact on community in terms of diversity. There is good research on this issue. A study conducted by Cambridge University has revealed that expressing political opinion is harming diversity in a group. 100 people were randomly selected and dividied into two group. one group are required to share their thought about politics and the other group are not. The result in this experiment indicated that people in the group which express their political opinion are more uncomfortable and want to leave and avoid comminication than people in the other group.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that expressing their political opinion is not useful. This is because It could distort celebrities' activities or performance regarding their original job and It could harm diviesity in a fan commumity.
GPT: Your essay presents a clear argument against celebrities expressing their political opinions. You've provided two reasons, each with examples, and you've adhered to a logical structure. Here is an assessment based on the TOEFL Independent Writing task criteria:
Task Achievement (4.5/5): You've addressed the topic and task fully. Your position is clear, and you've provided two well-developed reasons supporting your opinion.
Organization (4/5): Your essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, transitions between some sentences could be smoother to aid in the flow of your ideas.
Grammar (3.5/5): You demonstrate a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors. For example, "If a composer disclose his stance in politics" should be "If a composer discloses his stance on politics." Additionally, be careful with capitalization. Words like "If" and "His" in the middle of sentences should not be capitalized.
Vocabulary (4/5): You show a good range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies. For example, "Certainly, Many fans can leave their fan community of celebrity who express his opinion about politics." could be more accurately expressed as "Certainly, many fans may leave the fan community of a celebrity who expresses his political opinions."
Proofreading your essay can help you catch and correct these small errors. Keep practicing, and with each essay, your writing will improve.
GRAY: Other feedbacks please?
GPT: Spelling: Pay attention to spelling. For example, "atheletes" should be "athletes", "polticial" should be "political", and "diviesity" should be "diversity". These small errors can detract from the overall presentation of your essay.
Cohesion: Try to ensure that your sentences flow smoothly into each other. For instance, in the sentence "For example, If a composer disclose his stance in politics, His ability to write songs could be underestimated or overestimated from who has the same political line with him or not." You could make this more cohesive by saying, "For example, if a composer discloses his stance on politics, those who align with or oppose his political views may underestimate or overestimate his ability to write songs, respectively."
Precision: Be precise in your wording. There are places where your meaning could be clearer. For example, "Certainly, If it is related to politics, this tendency is very strong" could be rewritten as "Certainly, when it comes to politics, this tendency is especially strong."
Evidence: You did well by providing evidence from a Cambridge University study. However, remember to ensure that the evidence directly supports your point. In this case, it would be even stronger if you could cite a study that specifically looked at fan communities of celebrities.
Concluding Sentence: Your concluding sentence restates your points well. However, it could be improved by restating your thesis in a new way rather than repeating it verbatim. This gives your essay a sense of growth and sophistication.
Remember, improving writing skills is a gradual process. Keep writing and seek feedback consistently, and you'll see steady improvement. Keep up the good work!
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Many people wonder whether celebrities such as musicians, athletes, and actors express their political opinions. I bellieve that expressing their opinions about politics is not a good idea. I feel this way for two essential reasons which I will examine in this essay.
First of all, the most important reason for my opinion is that their activities or performances regarding their original jobs could be distorted due to their stance for politics. In general, many people are willing to support who has same thought. Certainly, If it is related to politics, this tendency is very strong. Certainly, when it comes to politics, this tendency is especially strong. For example, If a composer discloses his stance in politics, His ability to write songs could be underestimated or overestimated from who has the same political line with him or not. "For example, if a composer discloses his stance on politics, those who align with or oppose his political views may overestimate or underestimate his ability to write songs, respectively."
This is best exemplified by my personal experience. Recently, one of the K-pop singers had uploaded the video which show his polticial political thought. And then he was banned from some TV broadcasting channels, even though his singing ability had been so admitted.
Second, Expressing the opinion about politics could impair diversity in the fan community. Certainly, Many fans can leave their fan community of celebrity who express his opinion about politics. Certainly, many fans may leave the fan community of a celebrity who expresses his political opinions.
This is because political opinion is very sensitive topic and many people don't want to discuss or debate it. And then only people who have same thought could remain. That means it could be a negative impact on community in terms of diversity. There is good research on this issue. A study conducted by Cambridge University has revealed that expressing political opinion is harming diversity in a group. 100 people were randomly selected and dividied into two group. one group are required to share their thought about politics and the other group are not. The result in this experiment indicated that people in the group which express their political opinion are more uncomfortable and want to leave and avoid comminication than people in the other group.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that expressing their political opinion is not useful. This is because It could distort celebrities' activities or performance regarding their original job and It could harm diviesity diversity in a fan commumity.